Domestic Violence – Intimate Partner Violence
One Tuesday morning while I was exercising, I was tuned into NY 1. The Host Pat Kiernan was live on reading the newspaper headlines. He then came across the story of NFL Star Ray Rice caught punching his wife and raw footage of the punching supported the story. Immediately I said to myself I have to write a blog about Domestic Violence. It’s an extremely important topic that could be happening to any one of us or even people close to us.
It’s topics like these that I definitely have to pick and choose my words carefully when expressing my thoughts, feelings and motives. Domestic Violence, such a touchy subject maybe even taboo and might ruffle some feathers depending on whom you discuss it. Perceptions, experiences or even dispositions and opinions on this matter vary as one must clearly understand that it is holistically a situation that stems from social upbringing. A child is not brought into this world with feelings of anger, hatred or even a negative attitude. These are things that are inculcated, and enculturated into his cognitive realm from an early stage from his or her social upbringing. The first experience to social life is the family. A child is influenced by his household firstly, then his or her friends, social circle, and nation state. I state these important factors first and hold them in paramount importance as we must first understand where this “child” who grows up to be an adult gets his behavior, traits and attitude from.
I will not insinuate any folly statement and proclaim that men are pre-dominantly the culprit in this situation of Domestic Violence. Such a statement will evidently showcase biasness and pock hock fallacy mindsets of me. Neither would I say that women whom are viewed as the weaker sex are the quintessential perpetrator of such crimes. Really and truly this is where the discussion becomes touchy and sensitive as everyone now voices their perception and attitude toward what they believe Domestic violence is about and who suffers from it and what causes it.
Because I wanted to educate myself on this topic I went ahead and did a lot of research. I hope I can at least convince one person to put an end to domestic violence.
Both men and women can fall victims of domestic abuse. Nothing justifies a man hitting a woman neither a woman hitting a man. Both are just as wrong and discernible to say that it affects the victims psychologically and physically.
The Five Types of Abuse
1.Emotional (killing pet, playing mind games)
2.Verbal (calling names)
3.Technological (GPS system /Face book sabotage)
4. Sexual (forcing sex while sleep or based on the bible)
5.Physical (killing, punching, choking)
While all of the above is harmful I will focus on the physical aspect of it.
Folks outside this situation are very hasty to judge a batterer, and show reciprocates compassion and empathy to the victim. They do this as they believe deep down that abuse is wrong. Some individuals who may tend to be a little more thorough in their mind set may ask questions like, “what started the problem”? and “ what caused the situation to escalate to this result ” before they pass judgment and show empathy to anyone. Domestic issues can stem from a myriad of reasons and sometimes lack of education and confidence can be two major catalyst that fuels one to bare and endure domestic abuse.
Recently I read in an article today on the MSN, talk show host Meredith Vieira opened up about why she stayed in an Abusive Relationship and explains, “I had a job at the time and I stayed in this relationship and I’ve done a lot of thinking about why and I think part of it was fear”. I was scared of him.” Vieira inspires her viewers and she encourages women to “just let somebody know” if they’re in an abusive relationship. “It’s an issue with all of our lives and until we take it seriously more and more women are going to get abused.”
Every nine seconds a woman is abused or assaulted in this country, now that’s scary. Most women are abused by the man she says “I love you” to, the man that she expects to trust, love and protect her. I say vehemently “Oh what a coward, he wants to control, dominate, he lacks something, so he hits to protect himself”. Hmmm is that the right reasons to beat a woman? How is that controlling a situation? That’s being a coward! If violence is the only way to have control and power then every man should be beating their partner!
The relationship usually starts of sweet, loving, he or she is a charmer, and then the beast unleashes, by that time the man or woman is already fallen deep in love. The victim gets confused when he or she is beaten or struck and then contradictory to this action sudden guilt is felt and a shower of profuse love and caring is bestowed to make up for the hurt. The abuser would assure and profess to him or her how much love they have for their partner. From my research, I ascertained that the batterer would commonly blame the victim, making him or her feel the beating is there fault.
Ok, so maybe the abuser grew up in an abusive home and believes that violence is the way to control his partner whether it’s physical, psychological or in general. In most cases, that same person would not hit their partner in front of their family or the police; doesn’t that action state he or she knows what they are doing is wrong?
I believe that the victim would fantasize of the relationship getting better. Honestly people that is not love that is intentional hurt and unacceptable behavior. As stated in my preamble in the beginning, no one should ever experience beating. Some males and females tolerate it, maybe because after a while they think that’s all they deserve. Other factors such as kids are involved or afraid of the repercussions, are all aspects that complicate the domestic situation. I’m sure these mental responsibilities can take a toll on the victim as they constantly think about how different avenue of thoughts can play out for the worst if they fight back. Hence, sound education, self worth and confidence can always be a recipe to help battle anyone who experiences such an omen. What I do know is that it is wrong to hit, no one should suffer, instead devise a way out of this turmoil and do it diligently. While the victim might feel he or she is the only one on the planet for their significant other; staying in an unhealthy relationship can only deteriorate life and make you ultimately become in-significant to your other.